Has Science Written The Perfect Online Dating Message?
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The perfect online dating message: does it exist? A study conducted in 2011 by scientists Valentin Schondienst and Linh Dang-Xuan suggests it might…

They carefully crafted messages to more than 100 men and women, using more than 100 online dating profiles. Here’s what they discovered about the perfect online dating message:

1. The Sender Matters

Our scientists found that your pictures are one of the most important factors in whether or not you get a reply to your message. The more attractive you are in your message, the more likely you are to get a reply. (This means pictures of you having fun, pictures where your body language is open and responsive, etc.)

HOWEVER – their research also showed that women care a little bit less about your photos than men do. Meaning you may be able to make up for bad pictures with a great sense of humor. Or the perfect message (see below.)

2. Her Hotness Matters, Too

Bad news: our scientists found that the more attractive a woman is, the less likely she is to respond to your messages. Surprisingly, the more attractive men were actually more likely to respond. So if you’re a woman in the online dating world, your options are wide open!

(For us men, you may want to check out this other – slightly more controversial – research, which gives you an edge with the most attractive women.)

3. The Longer Your Message, The Better

Surprisingly enough, your “Word Count” matters to an attractive women. Our scientists discovered that the longer your initial message is, the more likely women are to respond. (Especially attractive women.)

Too long CAN hurt your chances, however. Your best shot is to tell her what you like about her, and then tell her about yourself. Don’t skimp on the details… but then… wrap your message up before it becomes a book.

4. Women Love To Hear About Themselves

In fact, the number of times you say “I” or “me” in a message can LOWER your chances of getting a message back. Knowing this, keep your message about her or about topics you have in common. “We” is fine. “I” is not.

 (The key is giving her a great compliment, which was the focus of a completely different study into female psychology.)

 5. Weird Science

 Now things get a little crazy: if you’re interested in sending a woman the perfect initial message, you must:

a. Use “Social” words – words that show a woman how much “social dominance” you have. Talking about groups your in, your job and how you lead your friends are all great topics. However…

b. Avoid “Leisure” words – oddly enough, talking about “hanging out”, “having fun” or “going to the movies” is a turn off, for most women. You want to show her you have long term potential as a mate. Instead of using Leisure words, try…

c. Use “Positive Emotion” words – show humor, confidence, relaxation and a positive outlook on life.

Together, Social, Positive and Leisure-less messages give you the best shot at getting a response back. Sound complicated? It did to me, too. Until I discovered this NEWER research into women. And saw how their system puts it all together.


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